Garage Sales: A Cautionary Tale
Melissa Wood

Garage sales are a marvelous thing. Really, they are just great. No matter what it is you are looking for, as long as you have patience and are willing to spend a few days sifting through other people's discarded junk, you will find exactly what you want. And you will not have to skip your daily coffee run in order to afford it. Unfortunately, there is an evil and often deceiving component of the garage sale world. Of course you think it will never happen to you. You think that you are totally in control and only the weak fall prey to this particular ailment. But that is where you are wrong.

It's a sunny Saturday morning. You roll out of bed and pad to the front door to pick up the morning paper. You pour yourself a cup of coffee (or maybe some orange juice...) and sit down ready to tackle the classifieds section of the paper. Red felt pen in hand you begin to fervently circle ads that appeal to you. You search for those sales that are closest to you first. A block, two blocks... ten blocks isn't that far, you think. Soon you are seriously contemplating driving halfway across the city, 'Just to see what they have.'

In your car, you pop in a Beatles tape and proceed to sing along as loud as your passengers will tolerate. Life is good. Suddenly in the corner of your eye you see a flash of yellow and what you think were the words 'GARAGE SALE.' Sure you already have a pre-made list of twenty sales to go to, but this one really looks good. You quickly circle the block and force your friend to copy the address onto their hand. Phew, that was a close one. You can't imagine what the day would have been like if you hadn't caught sight of that sign.

Your friends joke about your obsessive garage saleing tactics. You brush off their comments as pure jealousy of your carefully honed skill. Not everyone knows how to find that perfect piece, you remind everyone. Seconds later you arrive at garage sale number one.

You sort through tattered books and find one or two that look semi-interesting. You can never have to many books. Nothing else jumps out at you, so it's onto the next address on your list. Here you acquire some retro-looking cups, and a set of candleholders that will replace the set of candleholders you bought last weekend.

The next sale on the list looks like it will prove to be fruitful. The description says it has tons of fabric, patterns and bags of thread, perfect for the amateur sewer. Well, you haven't sewn since grade 8 Home Economics, but now is the perfect time to get back into it, especially if you can get all your supplies for super cheap. Well, the fabric does look like it's sat under someone's basement stairs for ten or twenty years, but that just makes it all the more eclectic. You cart away a large cardboard box full of sewing gear and toss it in the trunk.

Your passengers are getting a little hungry, but you remind them that if you stop now, all the good stuff will be gone. They can wait an hour or so more to have breakfast...or will it then be time for lunch? Oh, it doesn't matter that much; you have garage sales to attend.

You're getting close to the movie prop sale. You are imaging all of the amazing stuff that they must have waiting for you to dig through, but not in your wildest dreams could you have pictured the greatness of this sale. You jump out of the car and your friends follow sluggishly behind. Costumes, crazy furniture and much, much more are tossed haphazardly around the front lawn. You don't even stop to ask yourself where these people came into possession of all this stuff. And then there in the corner you see an old wood-burning stove. It looks like an antique. You go over to check it out and when you do, realize that it is made entirely of Styrofoam. This, however, does not stop you from wanting it. 'I'm sure I could find a place for it,' you say to your friends. They shake their heads, knowing there is no reasoning with you. You wonder what their problems are, and think a little more about purchasing that stove. Well, it's official. You have become so addicted to garage saleing, you are ready to buy anything and everything that comes into your sight.

Fortunately, there is a cure for this serious problem. It is painful at first, but the results in the end are worth it. Ok, brace yourself. You have to wean yourself off garage saleing. It helps to have a coach of some sort, someone who will be there to support you. At first it may seem like the hardest thing you have ever had to do. Harder then that time you quit smoking. But, eventually you will see the error of your ways and will be able to enter back into the garage saleing world. Just be strong.

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